Red Iguana Noon: Wrath of Knowledgius
Chapter 16: House-of-Cards.
From magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu
Subject: Red Iguana Noon:Wrath of Knowledgius, Chapter 16
Date: 29 May 1994 22:01:36 GMT
Message-ID: <2sb3c0$o3m@agate.berkeley.edu>
[In our last episode, we experienced the thrill of victory when
the Defender of Madison, The Mighty Red Iguana, although a prisoner
of Knowledgius' Evil Blue Logical Thought Cage(patent pending), managed
to knock the Evil Atheist God unconcious with his Mighty Argumentations.
We join our hero and his Sidekick, Ferret Boy, who are trying to figure
out what to do next]
Ferret Boy: Well done, Publius! You have once again defeated the
evil Knowledgius Objectivus! I'll tie him up. Why don't you
try to think of a way of escaping that cage?
[His bloody nose dripping blood on his scarlet costume, the Mighty
Red Iguana nods to his companion.]
[Ferret Boy carefully ties Knowledgius down to a chair.]
Ferret Boy: There. That should prevent him from escaping.
Now, what should I do?
[Publius points to his face, in particular to the nose that the
evil Atheist God broke during their last confrontation]
Ferret Boy: Oh, yes! Let me try to fix that for you.
[Ferret Boy goes to the closet where he takes out the
Lizard-First-Aid-Kit and gives it to his hero and beloved
Publius]
[Publius motions his thanks and starts working on his nose.]
Ferret Boy: I'm sure there must be something I can do...
Let me check your collection of books! There must be something
there that will tell me what to do to open the cage!
[Ferret Boy goes to the collection of books in the Red Iguana's
office.]
Ferret Boy: Let' see... "Chariots of the Gods" by von Daniken...
no, probably won't help. Oolon Coluphid's trilogy:
"Where God Went Wrong", "Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes",
"Who is This God Person Anyway?", and "Well, That About Wraps it
Up for God". Hey, Publius! Why do you have this garbage in your
collection?
[Publius is too busy fixing his broken nose to answer]
Ferret Boy: Let's keep going... Here's the copy of the "Game
of The Gods" pamphlet you sent to those universities. Have you
received an answer yet?
[Publius shakes his head]
Ferret Boy: Damn those .edu'ers! They wouldn't know a Good Idea
if it came up to them and condemned them to burn at the stake!
Let's see. There's the Bible, King James Version, of course....
No, it hasn't come up with good advice lately. I think I'll
skip it... Hey, here's a copy of the Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy!
It's supposed to have an answer to everything. Let's see.
Index... "What to do if you find yourself stuck in a Cage of
Blue Logical Thought and You Couldn't Think Logically if Your Life
Depended on It and You Will Soon die of Thirst and Hunger if You
Can't Escape... Page 666666." I guess it's that one.
Ferret Boy: [goes through the book, finally arriving at the page.
He starts reading from the book] "What to do if you find yourself
stuck in a cage of Blue Logical Thought(patent pending) and you couldn't
think logically if your life depended on it, and you will soon
die of thirst and hunber if you can't escape: Consider how lucky
you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively,
if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current
circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are
that it won't be troubling you much longer."
Ferret Boy: So, Publius. Think that will help?
[Publius considers this for a bit, and finally shakes his head].
Ferret Boy: Well, dammit! I can't think of anything else to do.
Do you want your Bible so you can pray?
[Publius nods]
[Ferret Boy takes the KJV of the Bible and tries to give it to
Publius. However, the book touches the blue Light forming the
cage, at which point...]
<Ka-BOOOOOOOOOOM!>
[The cage and Bible explode in a puff of acrid smoke, leaving
no trace of either one, but leaving Publius safely unharmed
and free!]
Ferret Boy: [slaps his forehead] Of course! All I needed was to
find the most illogical thing I could find, and put it into
contact with the Blue Logical Thought. The resulting reaction
annihilates Logical Thought and Illogical Thought, leaving you
free and unharmed!
[Publius smiles aprovingly at his sidekick, who has just
saved his butt once more.]
<CRAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!>
In article <2r5tlg$t5t@inca.gate.net>,
Publius <publius@inca.gate.net> wrote:
>
> Did I just hear your 'house-of-cards' come fluttering down?
>
[Ferret Boy gazes out the window]
Ferret Boy: No, I'm afraid you just heard the WACSDAAG tank
going though our gates.
[What will Publius and Ferret Boy do now that they are both free?
Will they be able to keep Knowledgius prisoner? Will they use him
as a hostage, threatening to kill him if the atheists don't withdraw?
Will the atheist care? Don't miss the next episode of Red Iguana
Noon: The Wrath of Knowledgius, coming your way in the near future.]
======================================================================
"It's not denial. I'm just very selective about
what I accept as reality."
--- Calvin ("Calvin and Hobbes")
======================================================================
Arturo Magidin
magidin@uclink.berkeley.edu
magidin@math.berkeley.edu
Stryder: See Angee? I told you this tank would come in
useful.
Angela Dyer: I guess... Hey, who is that person coming behind us
with the anti-tank bazooka in his shoulder?
[Dan Johnson peers intently at the figure...]
Dan: Oh no! It's Stacy! Brace for impact, everyone!
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